Is Your ‘But’ Bigger Than You Think

A while back now I watched an Australian film called; The Dressmaker starring Kate Winslet. There was a particular scene that sparked an interesting thought about how a person’s own ability to find an alternative to problems that they face, by using the word ‘but’.

In this scene, Winslet’s character Myrtle is upset with the townspeople’s treatment towards her and in a rage wanted to leave the town along with her reluctant mother. Myrtle debates with her mother Molly (played by Judy Davis) all the reasons they should leave the town, giving in to those around her. However with every reason, Molly rebuffs her with each statement beginning with ‘but…’

It’s a simple contrasting word that is often used in a negative context. I want to be an artist BUT I can’t draw. I want to get fit BUT I don’t have time to exercise. It’s an easy way to excuse yourself from facing a difficult problem and nowadays we do it almost subconsciously. What I found during this scene was the strength of this seemingly insignificant word being used in a positive way, to reason and reinforce…

So how about when you’re feeling like giving up or giving in to a problem that you face, turn this word into your own power tool to combat difficult situations and times of uncertainty, instead of letting them win.

For example, I’ve recently started a YouTube channel (The Gracious Life) and I’m sure most people can understand putting yourself out there in such a public light is no easy feat. I had wanted to create this channel for a while, however I kept using negative ‘BUTS’ to question my own insecurities. From the way I look and sound on camera to the negative feedback and reactions I might receive, there were just so many ‘buts’. What I realised overtime and with the support of friends, is that yes, I have these insecurities BUT if I give into them, I would never move forward and achieve my goals, which holds a greater importance than my insecurities. And now that I have created my channel, this has proven to be true.

So when you’re thinking about what you want to do in life, whether it’s on a day-to-day basis or long-term goals you want to achieve, and you start having those thoughts that are telling you to run in the opposite direction, think about your BUT. Ask yourself is your BUT bigger than those thoughts that are causing confusion. Start with ‘but…’ and finish with a positive statement. You might just realise that the outcome holds a greater importance to the negative thoughts that are holding you back.

Originally published on Glam Adelaide

Gracious Thoughts: Creating Your Reality

Creating your reality is all about living a life which is completely controlled by yourself, others (family/friends/acquaintances/colleagues) may be involved in this life, but the choices you make lead to positive outcomes for yourself. I want to share with you the story of how I have created my reality so far….

I am a thinker and a dreamer. I’m always thinking about the future and what I want to do with my life, the things/places I want to see, the people I want to meet, the person I want to become. I tend to ‘dream big’, not to sound cheesy, but I actually think about achieving great things in my life and I try to figure out ways of achieving these things. I also have a tendency to decide to do something (such as wanting to start a magazine), I get all excited and start telling my family and friends about the ideas I have, and then I don’t turn my words into actions or I do, but only go halfway. This is the disappointing moment for me, because I put so much thought into it, I come up with all these ideas and I’m so excited about seeing it come to life, and when it doesn’t happen I feel like what’s the point in doing all of these things and trying to make something of myself, I should just get a job and work for someone else. But being the stubborn dreamer that I am, I will never let myself believe that I will spend the rest of my life working for someone and not pursuing my dreams, and I keep thinking of new ideas of things I can do in my life.

 

During the latter years of high school I decided that I wanted to become a Psychologist. I wanted to be a Psychologist, because I would watch talk shows such as Oprah and The Tyra Show, and you know how they always tend to have a Psychologist in the audience who would share their ‘expert opinion’, well I wanted to be that person. So from then on I decided that I would go to Uni, study Psychology and become a Psychologist. While studying psychology at Uni, I realised that what I was learning was not what I was interested in and I really didn’t like it. Also to become a practicing Psychologist you have to complete the 3 year Bachelor degree, 1 year of Honours and a Master or Phd, this process put me off, because not only was it very competitive, I knew I wasn’t going to enjoy it. So during my final year of the Bachelor Degree, I found out about another course being offered, which was a Masters degree in Counselling and Psychotherapy. After graduating from Psychology I ended up getting into this Masters degree, and was on my way to becoming a Counsellor and Psychotherapist. I really enjoyed this course because it was so much more practical and I felt like I could actually use what I was learning, in real life.

So while I was at Uni, I had an idea of starting a magazine. I researched it and I even went as far as to having a first issue put together by two graphic designer friends. But due to funding and timing issues I wasn’t able to get it printed. In the mean time a friend of mine said why not start it as a blog, gain an audience and then look into creating a print magazine. But I was stubborn and said no I don’t want it online, i want something in print. Since it wasn’t working out I gave in and started Gracious Magazine as an online blog.

After completing my Masters degree and running my blog, I realised that I can combine my interests and create a business which is based around Lifestyle consulting (helping people realise what they want to do with their lives) and Lifestyle coaching (helping people make positive changes in their lives). This is how The Gracious Life was born.

For me, I have found that even though I have all of these ideas it doesn’t mean I have to make them a reality, it just means I know I want to create something and coming up with ideas is just apart of that journey. As I go about creating my reality I stumble across many speed bumps, road-blocks, and dead ends. But it’s all about following the road and seeing where it leads, there’s not much point in stopping because that is when you know you have stopped dreaming and given up in creating your own reality. Remember that ‘creating’ is the key word, there’s no end to creating, set goals, and do whatever you need to do to create the life that you want to live.